Youbookedthe nighttrainfora reason
Soyoucouldsitthereinthishurt
Bustlingcrowdsorsilentsleepers
You'renotsurewhichisworse

BecauseIdroppedyourhandwhiledancing
Leftyououttherestanding
Crestfallenonthe landing
Champagneproblems
Yourmom'sringinyourpocket
Mypictureinyourwallet
Yourheartwasglass, Idroppedit
Champagneproblems

Youtoldyourfamilyfora reason
Youcouldn'tkeepitin
Yoursistersplashedoutonthe bottle
Nownoone'scelebrating

DomPérignon,youbroughtit
Nocrowdoffriendsapplauded
Yourhometownskepticscalledit
Champagneproblems
Youhada speech, you'respeechless
Loveslippedbeyondyourreaches
AndIcouldn'tgivea reason
Champagneproblems

YourMidastouchonthe Chevydoor
Novemberflushedandyourflannelcured
"Thisdormwasoncea madhouse"
Imadea joke, "Well, it'smadeforme"
Howevergreen, ourgroupoffriends
Don'tthinkwe'llsaythatwordagain
Andsoonthey'llhavethe nervetodeckthe halls
Thatweoncewalkedthrough
Oneforthe money, twoforthe show
IneverwasreadysoIwatchyougo
Sometimesyoujustdon'tknowthe answer
'Tilsomeone'sontheirkneesandasksyou
"Shewould'vemadesucha lovelybride
Whata shameshe'sfuckedinthe head,"theysaid
Butyou'llfindthe realthinginstead
She'llpatchupyourtapestrythatIshred

Andholdyourhandwhiledancing
Neverleaveyoustanding
Crestfallenonthe landing
Withchampagneproblems
Yourmom'sringinyourpocket
Herpictureinyourwallet
Youwon'trememberallmy
Champagneproblems

Youwon'trememberallmy
Champagneproblems